It’s been a difficult journey for the past 2 weeks and i am still recovering form it. For the most part it’s emotional injury and I hope to be over it soon. I am one of those people who have always been sure of what I want to do but this time lots of things just kept me hanging. As far as I see it, i don’t think i have changed as a person and therefore i feel this indecisive moment was uncalled for but I suppose everyone goes through it and comes out of it just fine. I heal slow, at my own pace no rushing when it comes to emotions. Im sure theres a lesson in this also that I am meant to learn so I might as well learn it nice and slow. Hmmm maybe there are lots of thoughts and questions going on in my head which is why focus is not coming so easily to me. It will eventually because I know there’s no other way but the hard one so I might as well try to make the most of it. At the end of the day, I am my own individual and face it It’s you and just YOU ALONE. so i might as well learn the hard way. It’s high time I learn to handle my life on my own not that i haven’t so far but it’s a little different now. It’s take off time now so I better give myself a kick start and become a stronger person, that’s a deal I have made with myself. Life goes on, it doesn’t wait for you, no one does so you better pull your own reigns and run along. I’ll try running to the best of my ability and if I stumble I’ll just hang on to myself , brush off the dust and jog at my pace and make it through InshAllah. *call on God for strength* my motto for living a happier,merrier and fuller existence.
Monthly Archives: January 2012
17th banging!when things begin to fall into place.
Madhubala and her company for the most part kept me entertained all of 17th evening. So work work and lots of it already, one knows what to expect when IVS open it’s gates after the month long winter break. It’s back to the grind my *BOIZ* hmm we may have lots of work and different too but it’s a package deal we still work together. *splendid fun* when both Momo and Nina come crash as and when they want to. It’s crazy how we are so in sync with everything. so the 3 of us work all evening, along with our gossip time to time, and the brilliance is in how, we always have so much to talk about. so Momo leaves us at say 2:00 a.m and Nina and myself keep up most of the night, I crashed at 5:30 since i had been up from 7:00 a.m the day before and therefore there was an urgent need for me to re-fuel. Nina on the other hand who needs her beauty sleep always lands up working productively when there’s someone else around and the music is hamara type, so she works till 6:30 and since Momo and Marley Mansion were missing on this one we kept in touch on cheap Skype and check up phone calls all night long. That kept the 4 of us entertained for the most part. Before Momo left we made a trip to the kitchen for a coffee making session, to which both Nina and Momo gave up on beating the coffee, both grumps when it comes down to making anything or cooking, labour is not there forte, easy way shall do when it comes to food. hehehehe. Anyhow the night passed by the chats didn’t end and they never do. haha theres always something on the plate that needs our joint analyzed discussions etc so yeap that’s how life is moving on currently. 18th morning Nina and myself wake up to find theres been a fire in Uni and the first reaction is *chuti hai yah nahi aur casualties kitni hain* hahaha kidding kidding. Anyway we go to uni to find it’s a minor spark nothing major so the excitement was lost. Hmm Sarafa trip was needed and so before that the clan and myself go on a long cruise and yes we hit 140km/ph this time,so each time we go a notch higher. yes this included Marley, Madhu, Momo, Ikkay, Nooray and me and the funniest was when Nina spoke on my phone as me to Rizzay and she didn’t figure out that it wasn’t me who was talking, so that was our comedy of errors for the day. After our clan cruise it’s to Sarafa with the weaver gang, that had it’s own fun. Signing off for now. *wrapping time*
Settling right back!~
And I did not expect it to be this hard, It’s been a a week since I have been in Karachi and the bag of emotions burst. New years started with a big bang and now it’s like theres a divide maybe in my mind or with time it might just become real. Yes there is fear, a weird kind though not of monsters or ghosts but just general future inhibitions etc. Things are no more the same yes change was bound to happen but I hadn’t thought it would be this drastic, my cycle of life at the moment seems rather topsy turvy . Major or Minor choosing I had never thought even in my wildest dreams could be this difficult. * muddled state* i call it. After deep seated discussions, long drawn contemplation sessions with my self it was decided that the only two options worth taking were Weaving or Print. Muddled me as confused as can be couldn’t decided as to which would be better for me in the long run. So here are these choices right in front of me on one side I have friends who seem to have followed their hearts to Print and here is me who’s heart thinks everything and yet nothing. So of course print looked brighter to me, since painting excites me and so does design but somehow a tiny part of my heart was a little bit set on weaving as much as I dislike admitting to it.
Not having Mama and Aba around this time round feels even more awful since the over and hour long several sob sessions were hardly interactive. We mostly ended up having a one sided conference to which I would end up listening to, so there it was right in front of me. I tried to weigh the pros and cons for both Print and Weaving always came to the same conclusion and therefore landed myself into further confusion. I am no Mathematician and graphs anyway go over my head so here is a challenge right in the first week. So here I begin to question myself can i do this or cant i do this? Yes,I do believe in the theory that *You can do anything you set your heart to* but without my clan it’s not the same. Of course liberal art courses we coordinated and have signed up together but what about the rest of the Studio time for which we part ways. =(
It’s like at one point I was kind of particular about class timings, always been on time, like not even a minute late and now hours pass by and it’s like i don’t feel like going to class. *UGH* this is not like me infect not at all. Like today Clan got off before I did so they go *HYPER STARING* while i sit figuring out crappy weaving graphs *not fun not fun* but yeap when I got off the *CRAZIES* picked me up and we chilled for a good many hours which was brilliant. Momo invaded my Tajori of ideas and she says ‘I shall keep doing that throughout’ Madhubala on the other hand says ’I need you to give me solutions on how to stylize my prints etc’ and Marley tu is next level, ‘Essays likh tu lungi magar top to bottom editing is all your kaam’ which indirectly means doing the whole essay all over again haha not that I mind any of this but how much cooler it would be if we had been all together. Maybe I am finding this a hard blow because I hadn’t expected it to happen this soon but if it’s meant to be so then who can challenge destiny.P.S:- 3rd year I still don’t like you as much as I had thought I would, PLEASE kindly change.
