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We think,we contemplate, we do so many things in a day without realizing, that this life could be over the next second. So many people come and go in our lives, and sooner or later we forget them. Of course on a daily basis i don’t expect to remember those who have have passed onto another dimension everyday, but of and on we recall the memories, the good-times we spent with them etc.  I have never had the opportunity to experience the love of grandparents, Dadi jaan passed away before Aba had barely touched 14 and Dada jaan i saw  him last when I was  4 and soon after that he was murdered.  I don’t remember him much. I only wish i could have spent more time with them and I have always felt something missing. An incident I vividly recall from my childhood follows, I was barely 7 and i had newly learnt to ride a bike on 2 wheels and in our tiny apartment i used to go round and round the dining table and the passage riding up and down round and round at odd hours. One evening say it was post 8:00 pm i was riding past the drawing room and it was dark all around just one light was reflecting onto the glass doors of the room. I was riding past and suddenly, just a glimpse i see and then it’s gone. I actually saw Dadi jaan, i swear i did. at that instance i was most petrified. I still see that image in my head every time i pass by that room. It’s been many long years since that happened but it so fresh in my memory like it just happened yesterday.

Nana jaan passed away when i was 11, every summer I would go to visit them but I never had that kind of close bonding with him. I was too young and he was too ill so We never really got a chance to bond. It really feels like a blessing to have the oldies around you because I know what im missing on. We don’t cherish the moments we have with them and later on those regrets kill and when you don’t have them as a part of your existence you really do wish they were there somewhere looking out for you. Where Nanan is concerned I haven’t seen much of her either maybe because she never really lived with us and she spent more time with my other cousins., MashAllah she is alive, but i think due to the distance it’s not the same. Phone talk isn’t the same, and it’s pretty seldom that we get to meet. The love of grandparents is normally said to be the unconditional sort, but I wouldn’t know much of how it feels. May be I have never given it a chance or maybe circumstance hasn’t allowed it. It’s a strange,strange feeling. If only they had lived a little longer, if only I could have had a taste of what Im missing out on. It would have been a much fuller,fatter, happier,and merrier existence. The little bit of what I have experienced is a few stories from Nanan about her past, her life pre/post partition etc, it’s been rather entertaining to know what it was like for them. I don’t quite know  If it is me and my innerself that is at odds. We don’t realize it when they are around but when they aren’t there and you don’t know much of how it feels to have the oldies around , you know your lacking something. Life’s good otherwise just the missing pieces to my jigsaw would have been all the more brighter and nicer had it been complete.:/


About fatimasiddiqi

Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself.The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.I am one of those people who love the why of things.

One response to “Realizations!~

  1. Anser Quraishi ⋅

    Hello hey.

    Surprisingly, the only grand parents I got to chit chat with, was my moms mother.
    I think that’s the same with you?

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