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Settling right back!~

And I did not expect it to be this hard, It’s been a a week since I have been in Karachi and the bag of emotions burst. New years started with a big bang and now it’s like theres a divide maybe in my mind or with time it might just become real. Yes there is fear, a weird kind though not of monsters or ghosts but just general future inhibitions etc.  Things are no more the same yes change was bound to happen but I hadn’t thought it would be this drastic, my cycle of life at the moment seems rather topsy turvy . Major or Minor choosing I had never thought even in my wildest dreams could be this difficult.   * muddled state*  i call it. After deep seated discussions, long drawn contemplation sessions with my self  it was decided that the only two options worth taking were Weaving or Print. Muddled me as confused as can be couldn’t decided as to which would be better for me in the long run. So here are these choices right in front of me on one side I have friends who seem to have followed their hearts to Print and here is me who’s heart thinks everything and yet nothing. So of course print looked brighter to me,  since painting excites me and so does design but somehow a tiny part of my heart was a little bit set on weaving as much as I dislike admitting to it.

Not having Mama and Aba around this time round feels even more awful since the over and hour long several sob sessions were hardly interactive. We mostly ended up having a one sided conference to which I would end up listening to, so there it was right in front of me. I tried to weigh the pros and cons for both Print and Weaving always came to the same conclusion and therefore landed myself into further confusion. I am no Mathematician  and graphs anyway go over my head so here is a challenge right in the first week. So here  I begin to question myself  can i do this or cant i do this?  Yes,I do believe in the theory that *You can do anything you set your heart to* but without my clan it’s not the same. Of course liberal art courses we coordinated and have signed up together but what about the rest of the Studio time for which we part ways. =(

It’s like at one point I was kind of particular about class timings, always been on time, like not even a minute late and now hours pass by and it’s like i don’t feel like going to class. *UGH* this is not like me infect not at all. Like today Clan got off before I did so they go *HYPER STARING* while i sit figuring out crappy weaving graphs *not fun not fun* but yeap when I got off the *CRAZIES* picked me up and we chilled for a good many hours which was brilliant. Momo invaded my Tajori of ideas and she says ‘I shall keep doing that throughout’  Madhubala on the other hand says  ‘I need you to give me solutions on how to stylize my prints etc’ and Marley tu is next level, ‘Essays likh tu lungi magar top to bottom editing is all your kaam’ which indirectly means doing the whole essay all over again haha not that I mind any of this but how much cooler it would be if we had been all together.  Maybe I am finding this a hard blow because I hadn’t expected it to happen this soon but if it’s meant to be so then who can challenge destiny.P.S:-  3rd year I still don’t like you as much as I had thought I would, PLEASE kindly change.


About fatimasiddiqi

Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself.The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.I am one of those people who love the why of things.

One response to “Settling right back!~

  1. Anser Quraishi ⋅

    Uhmmm, how meaningful of a post and sad too. I hope everything works out for you, as you are always upto making things right for yourself and your surroundings.

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