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life on it’s lows!~

the past 3 days on bed haven’t been so good,extreme throat pain, severe body aches, fever and shivering. It’s just been one thing after another, no time for healing previous illnesses and then when your immunity is low you have had it.They just keep on building up one and another and you begin to feel sicker and weaker. The pressure has been tough the past semester almost like your gasping for breath with each move you make. One sleep less night over another and they just dont stop. Over burdened with submissions, tons of work to do, lying in bed feeling ill as ever and helpless. I have actually reached my breaking point. Hearing it day in and day out that it’s just the way its going to be is not good enough a reason to keep on going on. I have had other thoughts in my mind over the past few months and they have really being playing on me. At times I just want to hibernate be dead to the world and live in my own little shell and explore and discover my inner feelings towards life and to the way it is with me. Whining is not my aim here, it’s just my expression and thought process that I am letting out here. I want to do certain things, find the meaning of my life and to understand myself, my identity on a personal level. I don’t really like attaching myself to people because for me to detach  myself becomes close to impossible but then there are are people I grow so fond of that its hard just to keep them far from your everyday living and experience of life. Some people are genuinely interested in your story of life others not so much and to them what difference does it really make as to what and how your feeling. Illness you might think is causing me to express such strong view on feeling let down etc but this is really not the case. Its not true if you think that and well even if you do, I don’t really care what you think cause I have got to let it out express my thought process and understand where I come from. Thoughts in-tangling me day in and day out, when will this little mind be put to rest, when will it find time to breath and be free of the thinking rut. Heard over and over again time is a great healer of things, maybe sometimes one can agree with this statement but other times to push things back just becomes hard and for how long can you succumb to pushing away your feelings into the abyss when they just keep coming back with bleaker thoughts and being hard to live with. Life I believe is something to understand and if one doesn’t make that effort to understand ones own circumstance that what is life really just an eating breathing existence or something more, something that gives you purpose something that gives you identity,something that makes you feel worth this living. 


About fatimasiddiqi

Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself.The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.I am one of those people who love the why of things.

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