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Are you looking for me it’s just been 23….

Sometimes certain things just wont change, You cant and wont stop thinking about it. Just about 23 years ago on Thursday the 7th of June 1990 I came into this world. Of course I cannot remember this but according to what I hear it was approximately 6:25 a.m when I popped and gave out a few cries i suppose upon the bottom wack I was given to un clog my lungs from all those amazing mama fluids I had lived on for the 9 months I spent with her. It was too short a time to have known her but I sense her presence all the time. Im sure when this date comes by every year she gives me a thought like I do, but even if she doesn’t who care, she’s ‘Mine’.For me it’s something i’d live with all my life and each year id always be looking out for you, not just this day but all the time. It s many times I look at faces and tell myself maybe its her, no wait silly, it cant be her and there begin my calculations of ow old she’d be now. It’s mission impossible but wait didn’t God say in the Bible ‘You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’ and then I make myself beleive that  “What you seek is seeking you.”  Rumi. I make no qualms about what people think of me but my mind is free and is in no way encapsulated to express the thoughts that run through it time and again. I try and live this gorgeous life to the best I possibly can but to be told to banish those thoughts from my mind is life saying flush your reality and be grateful for what you have been blessed with.To me thats like saying become insensitive, insignificant and move right into the background and learn to flow with life into whatever direction it takes you. I won’t stop my mind from thinking and questioning because I yearn for truth and my saint says I said: what about my eyes?    
God said: Keep them on the road.    
I said: what about my passion?    
God said: Keep it burning.    
I said: what about my heart?    
God said: Tell me what you hold inside it?    
I said: pain and sorrow?    
He said: ..stay with it.    
The wound is the place where the Light enters you. *all hail to Rumi* He gives me hope that these eyes of mine may not see, this heart of mine may not feel anything but hurt, and I continue to try and pull a smile thought it all. I love you regardless of your flaws, your sorrows and your pain. Your always alive, living and breathing in every breath I take and I’ll continue to miss your presence in my life at each and every step I take even though you had been missing through the time I learnt to walk my first few steps. If not here in this life then in the Hereafter, I shall find you and I believe I shall recognize you and no one but YOU. You are in my memory engraved ,I carry you wherever i go but the hurt will still be there. Your absence in my life doesn’t mean your not there, I have a spot right inside of me and that space is only  yours to fill. I owe you to *MOAKS* for the person I am today, trying to be strong, trying to achieve the numerous and high goals I have set for myself , the super sensitive person that you have made me. You do make me miss you and at times make me thank you for I m sure I carry some if not all of your qualities. *Greatly missed*    


About fatimasiddiqi

Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself.The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.I am one of those people who love the why of things.

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