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Life’s bend’s and turn’s !

Is time a healer? I don’t really know. Everything that happens in life you cannot totally forget, since you have lived through it, felt it and I suppose learnt from it. I don’t really know how to explain the feeling, but it’s there at times and then it just vanishes. It’s like so many moments of emotional outbursts and then there is this weird calming silence and the human machine just churning the thoughts. Woaaaa that’s a lot of thinking it does, I am a light sleeper for the most part unless i’m super exhausted and haven’t slept properly for nights at a stretch. This human machine inside my skull seems to be a CPU, but not just any sort of CPU mines a SSTCPU *Super Sonic Tireless Central Processing Unit* now you would want to understand why I call it that. My machine works 24/7 round the clock since even when I am asleep I have lots of thoughts and ideas going on to which sometimes I even wake up. I am not confusing the sub conscious with any of this and trust me it’s not hallucination either Im just a thinker and I choose to think more and talk less. Those who know me well know I can talk volumes and those who don’t just don’t know me well enough. I don’t open up to people easily but once someone makes themselves a place in my heart they never leave. Memories and moments are something I like to hold on to because they never come back,* once spent and experienced is a life lived* for me that time is lost. My sensitivity threshold  is super low, but of course I like to put out that strong front. Lot’s of things emotionally kill me within but on the outside it’s hard for people to tell what I am going through except for those who might take a sneak peak into my SSTCPU or my heart to which the keys only a few possess. Of course when you know a person well it is only easier to know what’s really going on with them and I am one to notice everything, even the slightest change in someone’s attitude towards me, their demeanor, the small tit bits that that they might do and things they used to do, I notice when things change, attitudes change and things are not like they used to be. I am aware of each and every detail but I don’t say anything. I keep things to myself for the most part but we all have a few *human machines* we speak to. Also people have told me things because they feel that once something is shared with this SSTCPU it’s gone into a super active processing unit and never to be found again. It all stays in, especially that which is told never to be mentioned. At this point in time, there is so much going on within me that I feel my brain is thinking faster then my actions. Sometimes i wish I knew the art of silencing my thoughts and thinking temporarily but that doesn’t come easy to me. I have tried finding it in prayer and it does work but somehow I haven’t been able to find myself do it regularly. I know God listens to each and everything I talk to Him about, It’s like a one on one relationship I might not do it sitting on the prayer mat but of and on I do talk to him mostly before sleeping or sometimes there I nights I just keep talking to Him because I feel He is listening more on those. I feel Him really close by these days. I look to Him for comfort, for answers to my troubles, repentance, thank you’s  and for practically everything.I am not one to be easliy influenced, I live my mind and lately things are a bit out of proportion.It’s one of those moments when I’m “stuck in reverse” and  “lights will guide you home” Parting ways, changing dreams and moving forward. *Life is currently under construction*


About fatimasiddiqi

Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself.The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.I am one of those people who love the why of things.

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