Out of love for the living.

there are times when the sudden urge arises and it’s almost as though God is giving you a sign. Yes truly a *green signal* exactly that when your standing at a traffic signal. The feeling was exactly the same. Upon sitting at the caffeteria right after having lunch I spot a kitty limping with pain. Her paw crumpled and curled inwards, tail tucked tightly in between her legs. Clearly the leg was ruptured, the ligaments were damaged, flesh hanging, bones jutting out. The sight was gruesome and unbearable. I called for the car and due to crazy days at home the car was as usual busy. I called a friend and said we have got to take her now. This little kitty limped her way to behind the bush and lay there lifeless as though almost ready to submit to her Creator. Pale,weak and lifeless she lay there. A friend and I picked her up and suddenly all around us people just began helping. I don’t exactly remember who did what but to be exact i just saw a number of hands just ready to do things. Some one brought a carton, another ran for the car keys and in a span of a few seconds we were off in search of a veterinary hospital in the vicinity. We went to Dr. Pirzada’s clinic in Khadda market and found that we had just missed him by a matter of minutes. Running on a spare tyre, we were un sure if we should make a trip down to phase 2 defense to the animal hospital. We did it anyway. Kitty was in agony all this time, a friend and myself held her down in a carton, trying to restrict her from salivating her wounds and making them worse. However a several calls to my aunt for directions etc and asking around the shops near by we made it to Animal hospital. We got kitty treated and the screams and howls were truly unpleasant. She seems to be on her way to recovery now, but prayers for her would clearly do wonder. It’s been a day worth living, a day of giving and for once not taking back for or from anything but just GIVING. Life is gorgeous and doing things for others makes life even more worth living. We need to spread love and just do it even in the tinniest way possible. Do it for yourself and benefit the nation. Tiny acts can become big one fine day and hopefully we shall live to see PAKISTAN blossom. 

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Waking up to a message!~

“Cheer up. You are a smart tough cookie. You must get up and race to the finish. A brave and daring girl that you are can do wonders.Love Abu” Only a father, can speak those words with such  beautiful expression. I had no idea he had a poetic side to him but with just those few words  he has spoken volumes to me. These words made me super teary eyed and made me realize how tremendously my father has influenced my life. He definitely is a role model for most dads to follow. All respect to him.:)

life on it’s lows!~

the past 3 days on bed haven’t been so good,extreme throat pain, severe body aches, fever and shivering. It’s just been one thing after another, no time for healing previous illnesses and then when your immunity is low you have had it.They just keep on building up one and another and you begin to feel sicker and weaker. The pressure has been tough the past semester almost like your gasping for breath with each move you make. One sleep less night over another and they just dont stop. Over burdened with submissions, tons of work to do, lying in bed feeling ill as ever and helpless. I have actually reached my breaking point. Hearing it day in and day out that it’s just the way its going to be is not good enough a reason to keep on going on. I have had other thoughts in my mind over the past few months and they have really being playing on me. At times I just want to hibernate be dead to the world and live in my own little shell and explore and discover my inner feelings towards life and to the way it is with me. Whining is not my aim here, it’s just my expression and thought process that I am letting out here. I want to do certain things, find the meaning of my life and to understand myself, my identity on a personal level. I don’t really like attaching myself to people because for me to detach  myself becomes close to impossible but then there are are people I grow so fond of that its hard just to keep them far from your everyday living and experience of life. Some people are genuinely interested in your story of life others not so much and to them what difference does it really make as to what and how your feeling. Illness you might think is causing me to express such strong view on feeling let down etc but this is really not the case. Its not true if you think that and well even if you do, I don’t really care what you think cause I have got to let it out express my thought process and understand where I come from. Thoughts in-tangling me day in and day out, when will this little mind be put to rest, when will it find time to breath and be free of the thinking rut. Heard over and over again time is a great healer of things, maybe sometimes one can agree with this statement but other times to push things back just becomes hard and for how long can you succumb to pushing away your feelings into the abyss when they just keep coming back with bleaker thoughts and being hard to live with. Life I believe is something to understand and if one doesn’t make that effort to understand ones own circumstance that what is life really just an eating breathing existence or something more, something that gives you purpose something that gives you identity,something that makes you feel worth this living. 

Aainu baba’s Nikkah!

Realization strikes big!~ A good two months ago a long skype date with Aain along with long drawn whtsapping,BBMing and text msging was going on. from talks about daily life, debates on several issues etc and then suddenly I’m told that she’s going to be single no more. *Sigh*  It had been around three years from when I met her last and to think that this time when I meet her it’s going to be at her Nikkah. I wasnt ready for this at all. A series of mixed emotions overtook me, I was super happy for her and at the same time I wondered who exactly is the lucky guy. So here lands Aain and we meet a her two days before the actual big day when we get hardly a span of 2 hours to chit chat, catch up on the 3 years of  our long distance relationship and in the mean time She tries on her clothes,jewellery etc for the big day. Im still in disbelief, it feels like just yesterday we were in school together. Looking back and remembering the moments when we sat together in class, the gentle voiced, soft spoken and mild tempered tiny Ainnu Baba is committed. I always thought she would be one of the last amongst us to get married but I suppose one cannot determine time and fate. Everything happens when it’s meant to I guess. So the Nikkah day finally comes, havign a crazy day at uni from 8:30 a.m up until 8:00 p.m and then bang straight home a quick dip and within a snap of a finger it was jet set to Aainu’s big day. As always my baby looked spectacular. It was hard keeping the tears in. Aainu baba CONGRATULATIONS on your life ahead. We definately needed more time together but even these few days have been awesome. I miss having you in K town.  

South City!~

Karachi it is and Nani has been in Karachi since the 3rd of July. Mashallah everything was fine and she had been doing well of course slower then usual. Being a Cardiac patient isn’t easy I guess, the rise and fall of blood pressure with no stability, vertigo, angina and to top that gastroenteritis. Sine nani has never lived in the same city as us, I didnt really have much interaction with her through the course of my life. Every summer we did visit her or she would come by but its not the same like living together. Yes been room less for the longest, sometimes in the drawing room or the lounge but i see that as a positive, you may not like it but one must be use to everything. Just Mama and myself in Karachi, while Appay was away in Sindh, Nani falls really ill. Vomitting, dizzy spells, chest pains and the runs. Yes Nano’s ill. We had our family physicial ( Dr. Vellani) come in and have a look at her and so upon his verdict we admitted her to South City hospital since it was closer to home and we had access to her throughtout the day. Mum spent the day with her and i’d do the nights. It was quite a task if you ask me since i have never really done this before.  Nano wanted everything done for her, so that meant no sleep all night. The moment I would lie down she would want something or she would want the bed raised or lowered or it was toilet tripping so I was on the go. I missed Appay terribly during this time, it would have been nice to have her in Karachi atleast. Nano and I had one on one time alone and I feel it kind of gave us bonding time. We didnt talk much since she was ill and not very chatty but just being around her taught me a lot. I had never imagined myself in this situation, taking care of Nanan all by myself. *PHEW* Im glad we got this time together,  and I hope she recovers real soon. Prayers and love. The oldies are sure shot a blessing. cherish them while you have them, they wont be here long.

14th July 2012 *New Entry Into The SIDDIQI FAMILY! *SAAHIB*

The day had just been awesome, it started with waking up early in the morning, tons of stuff to do and the weather just made things easier. It was slightly drizzly and the breeze was cool.  It has been a good 2 weeks that there has been no cook or driver, the house has been full with family which seldom happens so it is definitely a good feeling to have a house full. The only thing is that when you don’t have a room to call your own it becomes a little difficult but I guess one learns to be patient and accommodating. So here we are,  I was supposed to be flying to Lahore on the 15th of July but the plans you make don’t always end up working out. Numerous things I had planned to do in Lahore and for the most part spend time with my father whom I hardly get tosee throughout the year. It has been a good two and a half years since I have really spent time with him properly. I miss him immensely and I wish we could have more time together. It was just not meant to be, but here I was compensated in many other ways, atleast I try and see it this way, *SAAHIB* came into my life, and his presence is filling that emptiness of belonging. Within a span of just two days we have developed a bond which I would hope lasts forever. Waking up to his sweet whistling is a feeling of bliss. From the moment I had thought I had to get him I was determined and it was sheer determination and the purity of intentions that made me have my way. I hardly had 6,000 Rs at hand  and I was told that I’d have to earn it myself and then do whatever  else I wanted to do with  it,  I had forgotten all about the fact  that a relative of mine owed me money  by surprise I got a call  after a long time and was told that I would get the cash in a week or so.  That is exactly how it happened, and Saahib came into my life, a tiny ball of soft feathers and shiny grey eyes. There was no plan, no schedule and things just worked out, in fact there was no sign of anything even happening in the near future but since it was meant to be it all happened within a matter of a few days. *cheers to SAAHIB*   my tiny 6month old African Grey Congo. Love and Blessings.

HIStory on an individual level!

I am not interested in the past: perhaps, because in school history it was such a cold and sterile subject that I always wondered what was the point of digging up dead facts? Facts that seem to have no relevance to the present. All one ever hears from our parents generation is how good it used to be. As far as I can remember the law and order situation was always precarious, the political scene was chaotic, and the country was on the brink of financial collapse. Are we the youth responsible for such a sorry state of affairs? I think not, though, all the talk of the wonderful past and no apologies for the miseries of today makes me feel that somehow the young men and women of my age or near about  are accountable.

Food shortages, water shortages, power cuts, suicide bombings-in short gloom doom and death are flavours of the present. The birth of Pakistan seems to be an insignificant event. If we have been brought up on a diet of Allama Iqbal’s poetry and the sterling qualities of Mohammad Ali Jinnah, the sacrifices of all those courageous people who gave their all for a muslim homeland, I most certainly would have been a student of history. When the human element is missing interest is lost. However, I did learn one very important lesson, that history is a process, nothing happens in isolation. The rise and fall of empires is a natural process. This process propels mankind forward in its evolution. Coming back to Allama Iqbal, I studied his poetry in-depth during the time of my A levels, no piece of literature has touched me as much as Iqbal’s fine words. It is in a league of its own.

Iqbal warms the cockles of the heart and makes the spirit soar. Wished I did not have to wait so long to experience this. The Quaid is truly a style icon. Whenever I see his photographs I am impressed by his dress sense and the way he carried himself with so much dignity and pride. To quote Stanley Wolpert ” Few individuals significantly alter the course of history.Fewer still modify the map of the world. Hardly anyone can be credited with creating a nation-state. Mohammad Ali Jinnah all three.” This kind of talk is not heard from lips of parents, teachers, and leaders. If we were made aware of the greatness of the truly great by word and deed, history would have a purpose and meaning. The likes of myself would be more connected and would know how to control and create history. For the present, It’s hard to say anything because I feel powerless, and the only thing that’s in my control are the abilities to create .

1947 partition in connection to the family!

Throughout their stay in India the British followed a policy of divide and rule. They did everything in their power to create hatred and deep division between Muslims and Hindus. This policy helped along by others over time culminated in the Partition of India and the biggest mass slaughter in the history of the sub-continent. Millions of unfortunate people were uprooted and tried to migrate by train, carts, and on foot. Personal stories like witnessing burning properties, abduction and rape of girl’s family, killing of people ambushes and the long convoys and their arrivals at strange places.

Originally Jullundur was to be a part of Pakistan but when the foundries were drawn Jullundur was given to India as soon as the report was out Hindus and Sikhs rushed out brandishing whatever weapon they could find to slaughter the Muslims. The muslims had no choice but to leave in great haste with only the clothes they had on and with whatever little they could carry they did their best to get to Pakistan in safety.

My grandparents were in Sungroor where the Maharaja had asked him to move to the High Court along with his household. When the Sikhs learnt of their whereabouts they began to position a canon outside the High Court to blow up the building. The Maharaja sent armed guards and trucks to take my grandparents and their family across the border.

Relatives in Jullundur did not have such a lucky escape. One family waited for night-time and then left their house with their four sons on foot. The two older boys, aged 12 years and 13 years, got lost in the mayhem . The younger two were being carried by their parents. They joined thousands who were fleeing for their lives. On their journey they saw decapitated bodies, hands, and legs lying in the dust, screams rising to the skies or old and feeble and weary, like driven cattle ploughing their way to safety. After walking for hours and hours the couple had blisters on their feet and they had to put their two boys down with food, water or shelter they felt that it was impossible to carry their sons any longer. Numb with exhaustion, heartache , the parents decided to abandon their children. They could all drop by the wayside but  what if the older boys reached Lahore and had no one to look after them. Before they could do the unthinkable a kindly gentleman offered to carry the boys on his donkey.

When they finally reached Lahore they stayed in a refugee camp and later moved into a house in Srinagar. Six months after their arrival the family was re united with the older offspring’s. The older boys had been kidnapped by Hindus but managed to escape and reach Lahore.

Other relatives were not so lucky, being diamond merchants they managed to book a whole train from Amritsar to Lahore. Anyone who could joined the train in the hope that they would arrive safely on the other side. It was not to be so, when the train arrived in Lahore it was reeking stale blood and was littered with body parts. The Sikhs had attacked the train soon after it left Amritsar station, all the passengers,save four your girls, were killed. These four girls were being taken back to Amritsar as luck would have it a United Nations jeep passed them and the UN representatives stopped the Sikhs because they realized that four burqa clad girls were muslims. The girls were rescued and brought to Lahore.

Those who suffered and saw the carnage were always reluctant to talk about their nightmarish experiences. Tears would fill their eyes and these people would instead talk of the life they had in India. The pain of separation was buried deep within them. The loss of home, family and friends was too great to be forgotten. Those cherished Hindu and Sikh friends who could not or would not help them still had place in their hearts.

Writing this piece I realize how fortunate I am to be living in a time when all this had become a distant memory and no matter how much we criticize and find fault with Pakistan, it is our home and no one can take this sense of belonging and security away. May the souls of all those who lost their lives in death or by migration, so that we could have our own identity and homeland, rest in peace forever. Aeimen.